Thursday, September 11, 2008

1st installment

s i l h o u e t t e nakedness
  1. Back in 2003, I met this boy in one corner of the room; he seemed a little bit shy and reserved. I came near him and open a conversation; I found out that the boy and I had something in common.

    Days had passed we never realized that we will become very close to each other. We go home together everyday, we practice our lessons every other day until the boy and I had found the comfort in each other’s presence.

    Months had passed and our closeness grew stronger and deeper, naturally it may seem, we became sweet to one another as many people, as in many people would notice that deep in our eyes we knew that we have something special for one another. Some people would unselfishly comment that we compliment each other and we are look a-likes. Some would brutally announce that I and that boy were officially on.

    Funny it my sound, of course we will both smile and deny everything. Consciously it means nothing but subconsciously it has a big impact for the both of us.

    As a defense mechanism to other people’s accusations about our alleged secret relationship the boy invented the phrases: “wag mo kasing lagyan ng kulay”. As agreed upon it became his rule. As to lessen everyone’s attention on “us” being a couple, when we deny everything it sounded like a rehearsed line. First, we will smile and then we say “di kaya!” that’s it, end of the accusations.

    Well people perceived what we were trying to convey. I can’t blame them because as far as they concern about the accusations here are just a few things when I was with that boy and that boy is with me:

    We tease each other. I call it Harutan Galore at Kagaspangan Portion
    We will stand by at the corridor to talk and let the time flies
    We will eat together
    We will practice together
    We will go home together
    We will walk together
    We lay down on the wall and discussed each other’s dreams under the starry night
    We did all the crazy things together
    - One day we went to our favorite hang-out, we crossed the high way together. That was soooooo damn adrenalin rush
    - we walked together from our place to the mall instead of riding a jeepney
    - we make fool of a gay sales person in divisoria because he liked the boy I am with


    Well no one is to blamed, that’s “us”. Those are the usual things that the boy and I were doing. As to complicate things and make ourselves believe that those are just nothing. We were both committed, so it be easier for the both of us to deny our own actions. But the thing is, we were 24/7 together before.

    Before, I wanted to believe that there’s nothing going on between me and that boy not until these happened:

    1. It was one day that I asked him to accompany me in getting my grade card; he told me it was okay so we agreed. I was soooo shocked when his girl friend called and I over heard him saying alibi to his own girl friend. He lied to his gf about his whereabouts. How could he do that? He did that just for my sake? I could understand everything if he said that di pumayag gf niya
  2. Friends usually have misunderstanding. It’s a common, a simple sorry would be enough. I was so freaked out when we fought. He looked for me in our tambayan while having merienda with the other guys; he knelt in front of me just to ask for an apology. What the hell is that??! Is it necessary? No!
  3. We had another fight, I walked out. I angrily left him in our studio. When I was already in the jeepney stop I saw him running and catching his breath. He uttered the words “I’m sorry, hinabol pa kita para lang sabay tayong umuwi” Wow!! I was soo amazed
  4. The confirmation of all denials. We went to a park with some other friends; some are telling stories while others are bonding, while the two of us had our own world. He would lie down on my lap and began to play with me. As a finale, the group went to Baywalk, he and I were so close, as in literally close. He would wrap my arms around him and his face is just an inch away from my face. That time I was off guarded. I can’t deny the fact, I liked every seconds of it

    After everything I tried to convince myself that nothing is going on between him and me. So for me, the easiest way and the hardest way to convince myself was to follow his rule “wag mong lagyan ng kulay”

    Well it worked for me for quite sometime. We started calling each other terms of endearment. Jealousy from others started to surface but because we knew each other very well we end up always in “I’m sorry-make up situation”. We share a lot of things in common. He was my exact opposite and I was his exact resemblance

    There’s this one time that I was confused and I hated that moment. We share memories for quite a time. Siya ang nagging mundo ko literal! All the boyfriend material memories were all about him. I was scared. The feeling grew deeper and stronger when I found out that his own gf got jealous of me. It was a big deal because my principle was how could your gf get jealous of me eh wala naman namamagitan sa amin. It only means that mas maraming oras ang nagugugol sa akin kaysa sa kanya. I hate it because that time wala akong laban.

    That time I was conviced that maybe he had feelings for me buit because the situation is complicated he kept quiet
    I dare to ask him but I was caught off guard, there’s this one situation when he asked me through a text message:

    “wala naman akong karapatang magalit sa’yo dib a?, ano mo ba ako?”

    I was so stupid to answer him back:

    “Uhm, meron kang karapatang magalit kasi magka-dance troupe tayo at friends tayo?”

    You can’t blame me, I don’t want to lose him because that time I already put colors into our world. When I’m with him all I could see is his face and our world. I just protected ourselves that’s why I lied. You asked me stupid question so what do you expect?

    As of this moment, I know, the story is familiar because that was our story back in years. I’m telling you this because I don’t want to have regrets of not telling you that I liked you nor I loved you before

    Nuong time na tinanong mo ko kung ano ba kita, I want to tell you that you’re my world, n asana akin ka na lang pero hindi ko ginawa yun dahil ayaw ko masira relationship mo sa gf mo dati, kay Rachel.

    For the record, nilayuan kita, as in nagpakalayo-layo ako, nagpunta ako ng Baguio para makalimutan kita. Maybe you’ll ask, “why now? My answer would be because I was convinced that you loved me before pero gusto ko lang malaman mo na hindi ako manhid para maramdaman yun

    Well it’s all in the past now, gusto ko lang maging fair sa’yo. Gusto ko lang malaman mo na lahat ng mga efforts mo ay worth for all the memories. It was so amazing knowing a person like you. Thanks for reading our story, thanks for your time, it means a lot to me.

    P.S. Don’t hate me please?

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Advice from Oprah About Men

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships. ..

"ADVICE FROM OPRAH ABOUT MEN"

Honest confessions and realizations of Bonnie '04


I never loved a guy the way i loved Clyde. The way you loved Charise. Oh dear what's wrong with us? we've been into several relationships but all of it failed. I don't know. Some ALMOST worked out but it didn't push through. There are goals and plans that are already set for you and Charise, and for Clyde and Bonnie, but execution wise... zero! some of it didn't happen.The saddest part there is that, I was hurt by him and you were hurt by her.
I've been into several relationships,I made them believe that I truly love them but in reality, I didn't. I am doing that for my own benefit. Hatid - sundo, Panakip Butas lang ng sakit na nararamdaman.. It hurts me though, because every time I want a break up, they find it hard to move on. That's how bad i was.
Reality bites. Things were bouncing back right into my face! Somebody whom i really liked now,who happens to liked me too, had experienced the same shit as what i had experienced.
This guy, made me believe that he truly loves me. That he loved me so dearly, but the truth is, he can't still let go of his past.. He can't let go of CHA. How did i know that? simple, it shows. It shows through his actions and gestures. THAT'S HOW STUPID I AM WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE.. It is really tiring and exhausting and yet it is so fun and exciting! weird huh? But that's how it goes.
I assume that my present situation right now will probably last for a year or couple of years more, but still the pain that was kept into our hearts will stay there and be buried for the rest of our lives. Sad it may seem, but that's the truth. Both of us find the comfort and love in each other's arm but that is only temporary. Because both of us still hope that someday in the outer universe we will still end up with the person who hurt us the most, that was Cha and Clyde. Both of us loved them in the deepest part of our empty souls.
I am not a psychic nor a love doctor, i just know it, because i can feel it. It really shows. It is so vivid, but then again, if i already know this. then, WHAT AM I DOING HERE? WHY AM I STAYING? i am staying because until now, although several times i've been hurt, i still believe in the magical power of love. This is reality, although i am hurt i still gave chance for myself and for the person i will share the rest of my life until Clyde nor cha is nowhere to find.

(MegaMall101304)







TWISTED Love affair

I just don't get it still, there are several common things that keep us together, i don't know, minsan di ko na iniisip but the fact is, nagsusumiksik sila minsan.
sa radio network nagwowork si Macho at si juanita, si juanita schoolmate ko sa Rizal, si macho at si juanita magkaibigan, di kami close dati ni juanita.
si macho, adik sa Up Dharma, si Ean mayor drummer ng Updharma, si Ean schoolmate ko sa Marya, Close ni Ean si Ruz, si ruz Kila kami 4evr, ako kakilala ko si macho.
Si Cha pinakamamahal ni Macho, iniwan ni Cha si macho, si Macho nadikit kay Lian, si Lian na mega comfort naman, si macho umamin ke lian, tinanggap din ni lian kinalaunan, si lian nasaktan ni macho dahil binalikan niya si cha, dumating si "little vernice" (masakit ito para kay lian) sa eksena, kawawa naman si lian .iiwan pa rin ni cha si macho, olats silang pareho.
si bonnie nasaktan ke clyde , si macho sinaktan ni cha.
si cha may bryan na, pero si macho mahal pa din si cha,
si clyde may iba na, pero si bonnie mahal pa din si clyde,
si bonnie at si macho silang dalawa ngayon, pero may mga unsettled business pa silang dalawa sa mga nakaraan nila..
sinong matitira? sinong talo?
"above all cha is the winner, macho is still the loser"
"Clyde is still the champion and Bonnie is still the loser"
She wants to move on, regardless of anything, gusto lang na maayos ang lahat.. as in lahat lahat, it's up to them to decide. will they go or will they stay?
She wants to share everything what's inside her mind and heart, Bonnie wants to know Macho deeper, and she wanted to share her ideas with him. na sa tuwing titingnan siya, dalawa lang ang nakikita niya, si Macho na handang mahalin si Bonnie, at si Macho na kaibigan ko..ganon.
"kapag nagmahal ka, handa mong mahalin ang 3 mundong gagalawan ninyo. ang mundo niya, ang mundo mo, at ang mundo niniyong dalawa"





-Dianna Azores
Writer of Twisted